He said No!

My first day of College! There was not a single cute guy in the class!!

But as cliché as it sounds, then he entered the class. At first he looked weird, but I eventually developed a crush on him. We became friends. Very Good friends.

Then he told me about his 7 exes. Didn't matter. I was smitten. He kind of knew it all.

One day he came to college with his last gf's name on his arm etched with a blade. I saw it and felt bad but i didn't say anything.

Then it was the third year of college, I knew he would never love me, but I didn't want to repent.

I messaged him," I know you don't like me like that but I like you." He said,"You know I still love her." I said "Yes."

He messaged, “So, what do you want me to say now?". I said, “I want you to say you don't, so that I stop hoping. I confessed it because I don't want to regret later."

He said, “You are a great friend but I cannot think about you like that."

I was friend-zoned.(Girls get Friend -Zoned too)

I went to the terrace. Deep winters. Foggy sky at 4 am. I realized I hadn't slept whole night. My friend came and held me. I cried one last tear and forgot him.

Those first feelings of crush and blushing and the heartbreak still stir warm in my heart.​

LONGING

Just long to see the raindrops on your brow,

skidding down to the place where my love grows,

those caressing hands, those prying eyes,

those loving hugs, those adorable lies.

that feeling of having you around
heals every pain, every wound.
those moving acts of  compassion and care,
those miles of eyes to stare.

the loving things you'd say to me
that would add all the sparkle and glee.
those flowing hair in the breeze,
and on my arm, that gentle mild squeeze.

Just long to feel those eyes on me,
Looking out of corners to catch a glimpse of me.
those caressing hands, those prying eyes,
those loving hugs, those adorable lies.

You!!

You define words for me,
You define those feelings,
In pen and paper I had seen them,
But never felt within.

You make me smile.
You' re always on my mind.
And these are not just words,
They now have a meaning.

I miss, I care, I cry for you.
Just don't want to lose you.
I'll never be able to tell you ,
HOW much I love you.
Just hope you can see it through my eyes.
You will sail through them to the 
Waters of my heart
Red with the color of the
Intense love I harbor for you.

We Love and We Fight.

  

 We had had a fight, he had given me a choice to move on and I told him "Its not an option for me. There is no going back after this." Why we fought is that, he just keeps very busy and doesn't find time for me. I am not complaining. I haven't heard his voice from a month. I don't know how he manages, but it kills me.

We fought and cooled down. I woke up in the morning and i saw his mail.The mail said ,

I miss you at night as I gaze upon the stars. I miss you during the day as clouds cover my sun .I miss you and want to hold you in my arms .I miss you so much, my dear, I feel no more fun. I miss your smile, your joy, your lips. I wish you would be here, my loneliness grips.I miss you every second, my love.

I saw this and slept again. When I woke up, I thought it must be a dream. I checked my Inbox again and it was really there. I was just so surprised at the gesture. He did not write it , but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he actually missed me and took his time out to Google "I Miss You" . 

Neuro guys say that there are two sides of our brain. When you are emotionally overwhelmed, one part gets so busy with the situation that it is not able to coordinate with the other part of the brain which is responsible for speech. As a result, you just fall out of words in any overwhelming situation. I just cannot find words for the feeling I had when i saw the mail. It went all fuzzy in my brain...LOL.

i don't know why I love him. He doesn't pamper me, he doesn't talk to me (I would call the communication poor),he doesn't make me feel wanted. In short, none that a girl wants. But I know his love is true and selfless and it just drives me on. I only know how difficult my side of the journey is and he knows his. I just try not to make it more difficult for him.